Annoying Video Games

It’s so annoying. You have to keep hitting the switches to keep the room bright. Oh, come on, get the damn switch. Oh, what the freak. Oh, man. I really hate those springs. All I’m trying to do is go down and to the right, but I can’t make it. Awww! Aw, gum. Awwww, God! When you don’t want the springs to bounce you around, they do. And when you want them to, they don’t! What the freak. Why didn’t it bounce me? There’s also these squares that make you fall through the pipes. I don’t know what that’s about. Some enemies you can only kill with bombs, and trying to get them to stand near a bomb is ridiculously hard. Come on. Of course he’s not gonna come near it. Okay, there, perfect. He’s laughing, he’s got two bombs ready to blow, and he walks away.

Okay, there’s another one—of course, he goes right past it. Oh, there he goes—freak. Okay, look at this: this is nice. I’m stuck, I need a balloon to fly over the hole, but I need to go back to get the balloon. Too bad I can’t jump high enough. So, it’s time to commit suicide. Here’s the problem: this little ledge shouldn’t be here. It’s pointless because, once you’re there, you’re stuck. Oh, freak, get me away from the bombs, I hate those freaking springs! GAH! Oh! Got lucky there. I hate those freaking things, they’re the worst. Damn! Oh, this game is so annoying. Look at this. I got trapped in some sort of pipe. There’s no way down. What I’m trying to do is get on the floor and go under it, but there’s a freaking spring that comes up. Then there’s that damn switch making it go dark. I get bounced all over the place. Man! Just get down there! Oh! Ugh! UGH! Freak! I’m surprised. This game is actually really hard. It’s one of the hardest I’ve ever played. Mostly because of this gum right here. You have to bounce on a bunch of springs; some bounce you up, and some bounce you down.

The idea is not to touch the ones that bounce you down, or else you die. But there’s no clear distinction. They all look the same. At first, there’s a pattern: up, down, up, down, down. That’s real nice. So, it freaking fools you into thinking that there’s a pattern, and then it just throws you off. But trying to avoid those down springs is almost impossible. Oh my freak. Freak this game. Freak this freaking piece of gum. Oh, man, I’m doing good—holy gum, I might actually make it— Freak! Oh, boy. All right, well, that’s enough with that one. It’s time to wrap things up; I got something to blow the lid off the crap barrel; time to flick the gum switch; turn up the diarrhea dial; it’s Bible games on CD-I! Yeah, we’re living on the edge. More like living on a prayer! First, we have Moses: The Exodus. Honestly, there’s not much to say. It’s basically an educational tool with some games thrown in.